My Camp Lejeune Settlement

Free money, honey!

I’ve never been to Camp Lejeune.

I’ve never served in the military at all.

And no, I do not wish to, and never have, and would never give up my extra legroom seat in an exit row on a coach airline flight to some 19-year-old, pimply-faced “hero” just getting out of fuckin boot camp.

Nonetheless, I will happily accept my full settlement $$ for whatever amount I have coming for landing on this fuckin’ spammer’s, bullshit hacked list of suckers from which I get emails every fuckin’ day fishing for my bank account numbers and my mother’s maiden name.

Wealth and power and patriotism are so wonderful.

I support our troops — just so long as it isn’t too uncomfortable.

From an email received this morning: