The Fictional Literate

The Fictional Literate

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The genre fiction author writes stimulating, unique novels without ever reading books, which is an astounding feat equivalent to a man building a formula race car without ever seeing an automobile. To hone this skill, the genre fiction writer reads random articles, skims Wikipedia, and sharpens hearing to what’s in his head rather than what he scribes on the page. Truly a master storyteller worthy of the title, Fictional Literate.

A monolith of originality towering over the frivolity of hyperbole, allusion, and other rhetorical devices, the fictional literate knows with certainty the meaningful hides not in such pitiful persuasion tactics but WEB articles unadulterated by themes and subject intricacies. For that which is meaningful, is always obvious. Facing down thousands of years of narrative meant to convey morals, wisdom, and justify thought, the fictional literate resolves to read,

“Seven ways to make sentences pop!”
“Why writing plainly is good.”
“Should I write like I talk?”

Using this knowledge to help other writers, he corrects,

“You can’t use periods in dialogue tags, and I don’t give a shit if Faulkner did it that way because the internet says otherwise!”

Sharing not just knowledge but also the wisdom of the internet, he teaches fellow fiction writing amateurs,

“No need to cloud the story in symbolism. Just say it! Because if what you’re saying is true — they’ll just believe you.”

The fictional literate’s literary epistemology limits not to random website articles, and quick glances at Wikipedia yields works of indisputable truth. Undaunted by vast libraries of books critiquing, discussing, and theorizing masterpieces, he stands firm in the belief that one need not tire the mind with tomes of knowledge, scoffing,

“Why read the Republic when you can skim it on Wikipedia or watch a YouTube video, fool!”

Most amazing is the fictional literate’s ability to hear in his writing what others cannot. He boasts of writing with beat in the same superior vein of a lighthouse keeper claiming the ability to write a symphony after using a foghorn, and so poeticizes,

The silver elf ran across the field, brandishing the rapier, ready to die. His foe, the blue dwarf, stood cowardly and defiant, issuing a bloody war cry.

“Do you hear the beat? The lyricizing of fantasy! Did you hear?”

And the fictional fans of the fictional literate rejoice,

“Yes! Yes, such beats. Like a bard singing from the page!”

The seeming coincidence of rhyme reflects the fictional literate’s true mastery of poetry that ignores meter and syllabic stress, connecting elements of rhythm in free verse with the accuracy of a blind sniper striking the bullseye. A master of the well-placed period at the end of the sentence, he wields punctuation like Mozart wields the clef, forming beats for all those fictionally literate enough to hear.

Standing, clapping, shouting my ovation, “Encore, Maestro! Encore!”

Wikipedia- You use it all the time, so you should really support it, get involved, and make it less prone to error, or you can just go on being a selfish fictional literate. Thanks.

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