A rare moment must be treasured
Love, Profit, Loss, & Savage Fantasy
Her: “Why hello there.”
Her: “I’m a young gorgeous German student, not too young, like, you know, jailbait young, just a young gorgeous German student of English who has been reading your wonderful novel Inside Out, every line of which is annotated so that I can fully understand it’s fabulous and unforgettable story.”
Me: “You mean this book?” (shitty image above taken by author to illustrate this posting, probably a German teen on the cover, but ignore him).
Her: “Ya . . .I mean . . . Yes, that is the very book. It is wunderbar . . . I mean . . . wonderful. See how much I am learning English?”
Me: “Indeed I do. . . in the USA that book looks like this and can be purchased in many places.”
Me (continuing in an agreeable, friendly manner): “Cool cover, huh? And I’m still getting royalties off it, published before you were even born fräulein*.”
Her: (blushing in the golden light of a romantic sunset) “Ya . . . I mean Yes indeed. You are a wonderful writer. I think I am in love with you! I’m so glad we bumped into each other here on da beach.”
Her: I think I am in love with you!
Me: “I am also glad, but of course it’s almost sunset so we should soon be parting with nothing more than a fond memory.”
Her: “Ya” (a tiny tear forming in the corner of her eye.)
Me: (quickly, you know, just to boost her spirits,) “You’d never guess what just happened. My German publisher of Inside Out, Klett, the very book you have been reading to further perfect your English Language skills, just renewed the licensing for their publication. I’m gettin’ over two-thousand more bucks for a book I wrote over 20 years ago, that still pays fuckin American royalties, and as close to a guarantee that many more additional, lovely, large-breasted German coeds (fräuleins) will be reading my shit for at least a few more years to come. I hope this cheers you up a bit.”
“I’m gettin’ over two-thousand more bucks for a book I wrote over 20 years ago.”
Her: “Ya, it is happy news. No Weltschmerz in that happy news.”
Me: “Ya . . . I mean, yep. . . I agree, No Schadenfreude either. Just a couple grand from outta the blue.”
And this, fellow typers, is how you brag about yer shit and maybe entice a few gorgeous young (but NOT jailbait) colleagues to throw themselves at you while walking on the boardwalk near the beach. In addition to using a terrific clickbait image, a cherry on the fuckin’ cake of your braggadocio moment and maybe even sell some books.
Me: auf Wiedersehen.
Photo by Tim Schmidbauer on Unsplash