Table of Contents
An Open Letter (apparently) To Tim Miller
As a writer and a political junkie, trying to kick the habit, I just wrote this and decided it took too much effort and time for just Tim to read it...sorry Tim...
Good morning Tim,
I’m not sure what to write here. I just finished your piece in this morning’s (or maybe it was yesterday’s) Bulwark Goodbye To All That (The Triad) (thebulwark.com) and I wanted to tell you how good I think it is. How gutsy you are to have written it with such honesty and directness and what a great ring of truth it has. I’ve admired many other writings from you here, and you are, along with Charlie Sykes (who I used to HATE) and JVL, a fine group of writers and thinkers. This means that I should sign-up for the Bulwark and put my $ where my good intentions are, BUT (why is there always a “BUT” coming after something someone says that feels too good to be true, in this case, even if I am the only one feeling that, sensing that Goodbye To All That — The Triad (thebulwark.com) obnoxious thing).
Having been raised in a middle-class family (very slightly upper-middle-class for a while, then dropping down a bit but still white-collar) by GOP loving parents, enough to where when JFK was shot in 1963 and I was a sophomore in H.S., I couldn’t understand my parents, especially my mother’s, tears and angst. After all, we’d been Nixon all the way. My father was even friends and co-conspirators in John Birch related bullshit in the Seattle area with John Ehrlichman. I was rabidly pro-Goldwater in 1964.
And then I went to college and Vietnam came along and now...you’re asking me, and indeed arguing passionately and convincingly, that I should pay $$ to listen to lifelong “conservatives” when the party you so recently have departed is filled with radical nuts who call themselves conservatives. For now, it’s a bridge too far.
But obviously, I’m still reading you and still strongly attracted to your journey (pardon the cliché, please) and thus, I may get there yet.
This got long-winded. Sorry, but since I type with two fingers (including for many years, novels, albeit short ones I admit, for a living) I can’t go back and shorten anything I’ve said.
I’ll finish where I started. I’m not sure why I’m writing to you, but it’s likely because when I read real stuff, stuff that clearly comes from the heart and soul of an honest person, laying/putting yourself out there, it makes me proud of being a human, and recently, there hasn’t been nearly enough of that going on in my life.
DeSantis: The Hero Needed in These Troubled Times
Dear Governor DeSantis,
I am writing to you as a loyal supporter and admirer of your work. You are truly an inspiration to me and millions of other Americans who value freedom, liberty and common sense.
I want to thank you for your courageous leadership during these challenging times. You showed the world that Florida is the best state in the nation, and you are not afraid to stand up to the radical left, the fake news media, and the tyrannical federal government.
You proved you are a man of action, not words. You have taken bold steps to protect the health and safety of Floridians, such as banning mask mandates, vaccine passports, critical race theory, and LGBTQ education in schools. You also sent unauthorized migrants to Martha’s Vineyard, defended Donald Trump from Chris Christie’s attacks, and coined a catchy nickname for your rival Vivek Ramaswamy: “Fake Vivek” or "Vivek the Fake".
You are truly a visionary leader, Governor DeSantis. You have a clear and positive vision for the future of Florida and America, fearlessly ready to “monkey this up” by challenging the status quo and embracing innovation. You are also a man of integrity who never participates in Facebook hate groups or other scandals.
I pray you will continue to lead us with wisdom, courage, and humor, Governor DeSantis. You have my full support and admiration. You are the hero needed, not the nightmare some people claim.
From the Party of Dumb
We are writing to you as the five GOP siblings – Donald, Ted, Mitch, Liz and Marjorie – who have to navigate daily life struggles to survive as a political family after our parents are suddenly impeached and banned from social media. We know it’s not easy to be a Republican in these times, but we are doing our best to keep our party alive and strong.
Donald is the eldest sibling and the former leader of the family. He is still trying to cope with the loss of his presidency and his Twitter account. He spends most of his time watching TV, playing golf and making speeches at rallies. He is also planning to run again in 2024, but he has to deal with some legal issues first. He is also very good at making friends with dictators and enemies with allies.
Ted is the second oldest brother and the most ambitious one. He wants to be president someday, but he has a lot of enemies and controversies. He is always looking for ways to please Donald and his base, even if it means lying, cheating or fleeing to Cancun. He is also very good at growing a beard and reading Dr. Seuss books.
Mitch is the third sibling and the most powerful one in Congress. He is the master of obstruction and manipulation. He can block any legislation or nomination that he doesn’t like, even if it’s good for the country. He is also very good at making turtle faces and breaking his promises.
Liz is the most sensible sister. She is a conservative with principles and integrity. She is not afraid to speak the truth and stand up to Donald and his lies. She is also very good at writing op-eds and giving interviews, but keep in mind, Liz voted "in line with Trump's position around 93% of the time" between 2017 to 2021 and voted against gay marriage despite her sister being gay. That's dedication!
Marjorie is the youngest sibling and the most dedicated member of the party. She is a truth seeker who believes in QAnon, Jewish space lasers, and other nonsense. She is always causing trouble and spreading misinformation. She is also very good at harassing her colleagues and getting suspended from committees.
We also have some cousins who are part of our family – Matt, Lauren, Niki and Amy.
Matt is our cousin from Florida who likes to party hard and date young girls. He is under federal investigation for allegedly having sex with a minor and paying for her travel, as well as other women he met through a website that connects wealthy men with young women. He has also been accused of showing nude photos and videos of women he slept with to other lawmakers, and of seeking a blanket pardon from Donald before he left office. He denies all the allegations and claims he is the victim of an extortion plot by a former Justice Department official.
Lauren is our cousin from Colorado who loves guns more than anything else. She owns a restaurant called Shooters Grill, where she and her staff openly carry firearms. She has been involved in several scandals and controversies, such as defying Covid-19 lockdown orders, tweeting about the location of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi during the Capitol riot, making racist and Islamophobic remarks about Representative Ilhan Omar, posing with her children holding guns next to a Christmas tree, and facing multiple arrests and liens for unpaid taxes. She has also refused to acknowledge President Joe Biden’s victory and voted to overturn the election results.
Niki is our cousin from South Carolina who wants to be president someday too, but she can’t make up her mind about Donald. She has flip-flopped on him several times, from criticizing him during the 2016 campaign to praising him during her tenure as ambassador to the United Nations to distancing herself from him after the Capitol riot. She has also taken conservative positions on issues such as abortion, immigration, Medicaid, Medicare, and taxes. She is the daughter of Indian immigrants and the first female governor of South Carolina. She gained national attention for removing the Confederate flag from the state capitol after the 2015 Charleston church shooting.
Amy is our cousin from Indiana who is the newest member of the Supreme Court, appointed by Donald in October 2020 after the death of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Her confirmation was controversial because it was rushed by Republicans just weeks before the presidential election, despite their refusal to consider Obama’s nominee Merrick Garland in 2016. Her views on abortion, health care, LGBTQ rights, voting rights, and other issues have raised concerns among liberals and progressives, who fear she will overturn or weaken landmark rulings such as Roe v. Wade and the Affordable Care Act. She is a devout Catholic and a member of a charismatic Christian group called People of Praise. She has seven children, two of whom are adopted from Haiti.
We hope you will continue to support us and our party, America. We are the party you need, not the nightmare some people claim we are.
The GOP siblings and cousins.