Childhood Christian beliefs, the whimsical notions that make the world seem like a magical place! You know, the kind where you can't step on a crack, or you'll break your mother's back, and where holding your breath while passing a cemetery will somehow protect you from the spirits. But as we grow older, we realize that maybe, just maybe, our teddy bears aren't the fierce guardians we imagined them to be, and perhaps monsters aren't lurking under our beds waiting for the lights to go out.
Holding onto Christian beliefs can indeed have its dangers, like when you insist on jumping over every sidewalk crack and end up in a hopscotch marathon that spans three city blocks. Or when you're so convinced that breaking a mirror brings seven years of bad luck that you live in a house devoid of reflective surfaces, making shaving or applying makeup a challenge worthy of a reality TV show.
Let's not forget the time you were certain that stepping on a line would turn you into a bear, and you spent an entire afternoon growling at passersby, much to the confusion (and amusement) of your neighborhood. Or the belief that eating watermelon seeds would cause a watermelon to grow in your stomach, leading to some rather peculiar conversations with your doctor.
Of course, there's the classic childhood belief that the floor is lava, which turns every furniture shopping trip into an extreme sport as you leap from couch to coffee table, narrowly avoiding the molten pits of carpet. Who could dismiss the conviction that if you make a funny face and the wind changes, your face will stay that way? This has undoubtedly resulted in some of the most stoic expressions during breezy days.
While it's fun to reminisce and even chuckle at these innocent convictions, it's also important to let them go at the right time. Otherwise, you might find yourself an adult who's afraid to open an umbrella indoors, leading to some rather wet predicaments. So, here's to growing up, but never losing the ability to laugh at the charming absurdities of our childhood imaginations!
Avoiding The Harsh Realities Of Reality
Reality, that pesky little thing that insists on showing up uninvited to the most ambitious of parties. It's like that one relative who can't help but remind you of the laws of physics when you're busy planning to invent a flying car or a time machine. But greatness, oh greatness, it's a crafty beast that thrives on the 'what ifs' and 'why nots' of the world. It's the voice in the back of your head that says, "Sure, you might not have the budget of a blockbuster movie, but who's to say you can't make the next cinematic masterpiece with just a smartphone and a dream?" Greatness is the art of looking at a canvas, not seeing the lack of paint, but envisioning the masterpiece that's just waiting to be created with whatever you've got lying around – maybe some old crayons, glitter, and a dash of sheer willpower. It's about choreographing a moonwalk when everyone else is doing the two-step, about writing a symphony when all you have is a kazoo and a drum. So, let reality sit there with its arms crossed, huffing and puffing about practicality. Meanwhile, you'll be busy building castles in the sky – and who knows, maybe one day you'll figure out how to live in them too. Because, after all, every great achievement was once considered impossible, until someone decided to ignore reality and make it happen. So go ahead, plan for greatness, and if reality tries to get in the way, just tell it to take a number and wait its turn. The queue for greatness is long, and reality might just have to wait a while.
A Personal Note On My Ambitions For Young Christian Politico Wannabes
My story of my 10th grade Vice Presidential glory, a position of such esteemed power that it rivals only that of the school mascot. You see, while the role may have promised a glittering political future, akin to a steppingstone to the Oval Office, it turns out it's more like a stepping stone to... well, organizing bake sales at best and utter ignominy at worst. Who knew that ignoring the corralling of classmates for prom committees or petitioning for extra pizza days wouldn't exactly catapult one into the political stratosphere?
As a 14-year-old I ran for and was elected VICE PRESIDENT OF THE SOPHMORE CLASS (1966) AT SHORELINE H.S. Ah, those heady days of high school hierarchy. Campaigning for the coveted VP spot surely taught me the fine arts of negotiation, diplomacy, and the strategic placement of campaign posters. I learned the hard way that promises of extended lunch breaks and no homework Fridays are the high school equivalent of 'a chicken in every pot.' Yet, somehow, these early forays into the cutthroat world of student government didn't quite lay the groundwork for a future in the West Wing.
Perhaps it was the lack of international policy debate, or maybe it was the absence of filibusters over the vending machine selections, but something about the role didn't quite scream 'future world leader.' Instead, it whispered 'future organizer of community yard sales.' And let's face it, the ability to broker peace between rival cliques over gym class dodgeball disputes doesn't always translate to negotiating peace treaties.
So, where did it all go awry? Was it the scandalous misallocation of funds towards a subpar homecoming float? Or the contentious vote over cafeteria snack options that led to a split ticket? Maybe it was the realization that the real power lay in the hands of the school treasurer – the true puppet master pulling the strings of the student council's budget. But most likely of all, it was probably my failure to ever attend a single meeting of our governmental cabinet meetings! No, really, I never went to a single meeting. As VP, I felt all I should have to do was wait in the wings to step in if Dick Knight (REAL name btw, dick . . . night . . .) should somehow fuckin’ die.
In the end, it seems that the political prowess of a 10th grade Vice President is about as predictive of future greatness as a Magic 8-Ball. But fear not, for the skills honed during those tumultuous teen years are not for naught. They say that all politics is local, and what's more local than the high school cafeteria? So, here's to the unsung heroes of student government, the VPs of the world, who may not have their portraits hung in the halls of Congress, but who can always be counted on to organize a mean spirit week. And who knows? Maybe those bake sale budgeting skills will come in handy during the next fiscal cliff negotiation. After all, if you can handle the anarchy of a high school pep rally, what's a little political gridlock?
Finally, How MAGA & Christian Worship Meet In The Middle, Leading To Wealth & Greatness (Or Not)
The grand ol' chase for the almighty dollar and a spot on the A-list! It's like a game of Monopoly but with real houses and paparazzi. You start with big dreams of swimming in cash like Scrooge McDuck and having more followers than a pied piper in the digital age. But beware, my friend, for this glittery road is sprinkled with banana peels and trapdoors! Studies show that Christian gold-plated dreams might just be fool's gold, leaving you feeling like a blue-ribbon lemon at the county fair of life. Seeking validation from the masses? That's a rollercoaster that only goes down, my friend. And let's talk about the fame game – it's less 'red carpet' and more 'red flag.' The quest for celebrity status can turn into a solo mission to Mars, where you're the only one not getting the joke. Plus, keeping up appearances is a full-time gig – forget personal growth, you'll be too busy pruning your public persona! And don't get me started on the 'self-made' myth. It's like finding a unicorn at a donkey party – rare and somewhat awkward. So, while the siren song of fortune and fame can be as catchy as a pop hit, remember, it might just leave you dancing alone, wondering if the VIP section of life isn't just a fancy waiting room to tie a fancy velvet noose around a very fancy neck. In the end, the real jackpot might just be a good laugh, a comfy couch, and the remote control all to yourself. Now that's what I call a high score!
