Life in Trumpistan: Making Americans Gargantuan Assholes

The Death of the GOP

Smart News Headline: 

“Remains of nine Neanderthals found in cave south of Rome”

Select Vatican Committee for Investigative Integrity formed to research missing GOP think tank-ass-hats and evangelical-dipshits long lost softball team!

In Trumpistan

What we must believe...

In Trumpistan, any election the great leader loses was stolen from him.

Diseases are for the weak thus vaccines are for the foolish.

It’s okay to quote The Constitution as if it were a book of the Holy Bible, (And to believe it IS that) just so long as your reference is to the 2nd amendment and/or, if you were part of the Jan 6th insurrectionists, You may also use the 5th amendment (indeed, you’re sure to be getting counsel along these lines from your public defenders, who you will blame when your ass gets convicted for the felonies you actually DID commit).

Cruel and unusual punishment is okay if used against anyone who doesn’t agree with you, after all, bullying is strength cruelty is power and the absence of compassion, empathy, love or kindness is a good thing. Pity and whining are bad and a sure sign of weakness unless being offered in defense of the great leader, in which case they are required.

You may assert your love of America just so long as you narrowly define “America” as it once was, in your imagination and/or your carefree joyous days of fun in the sun in the Jim Crow South. Your comment should include how grand everything used to be in the great old days, remembered or imagined fondly while wearing your red hat claiming your dedication to making it (‘Merica) all that again.

BLM and Antifa are deadly radical enemies of all things good including baby Jesus and his dad, but insurrection is okay if most of the people there that day truly believed they needed to “Stop the Steal” and were only there because the great leader told them to be. And remember (see above), an election only counts and votes only may be counted, if they are FOR the great leader.

You may be fat. You may be lazy as fuck and stupid and ignorant and opposed to science and any form of new information that doesn’t come from your preferred Infotainment media site, indeed these are required qualities in every wanna-be citizen and member of the cult... oops, I mean, clan.

So, welcome to Trumpistan a magic land of make believe where truth, facts, and reality are exactly what we tell you they are, and where you’re a commie, snowflake, and enemy of all things good and righteous unless you adhere to these simple guidelines.

On This Anniversary Let’s Call The Jan 6th Traitors and Fascists What They Are

As the arrests mount up, we need to shame these assholes

A few weeks or months or even years in Jail is simply NOT enough of a consequence for the insurrectionists who attacked our country on Jan 6, 2021.

When I go to look for pics of those rioters, all I can find are images for BLM protests?

The white, middle-aged, privileged and entitled violent insurrectionists, shooting their self-celebrating video clips, smiling photos in their camo garb etc for their Facebook and other social media sites, and bragging about their efforts to overthrow the election results of 2020, are nowhere to be found.

Although, pretty obviously as the arrests add-up some of these idiots are making headway to infamy on post office walls and via all the dimes dropping on them by their disgusted neighbors.

We need to find a way to immortalize their treacherousness.

“Hang Mike Pence! Hang mike Pence!” I couldn’t have cared less if this lynch mob had murdered Pence, but I do care, greatly, that they NOT be allowed to continue to walk around, free and proud of being the worst traitors in America since 1865.

They must be branded, not with a hot iron or in 17th century stocks, but by having their faces recognized and the true depth of their mad, dumb crimes becoming an inescapable part of their shameful stories.

Let’s the rest of us never forget the depth of their ignorance: “We’re gonna overthrow the U.S. Government so the Tangerine Imbecile can rule forever! Hang Mike Pence! Hang Mike Pence!”

If that level of stupidity on its own isn’t enough to condemn them, what, exactly where they thinking, planning, dreaming that fails to fall under either idiocy or lynch mob delusion?

We must never forget what they did. We mustn’t ever let them forget it either or that we remember and are ashamed of them.

Oh, yeah, by the way, one more tiny detail, you’ll be a lot happier here if you’re white... very fuckin’ white!

In Honor of Trump(-sters) Shrinking Impact on Our Lives

Don’t you just feel better everyday with that motherfucker gone?!

All The Love

Politics and ugliness

Sex being my favorite addiction, I happen to be heterosexual, I’ve always had a weakness for noticing beautiful women. But the shoes Melania Trump wore to the Houston disaster pushed me beyond my limits. Six-inch stiletto pumps to a catastrophic flood? What kind of thinking is that?

Poor thing, I’d like to just hold her tenderly, maybe naked, but tenderly and shit — you know, comfort her in her moment of idiocy… okay, yeah … another moment of idiocy

See what I mean?

“I don’t really care, do you” was still on the horizon back then awaiting its premier at yet another catastrophe...

Ah, fuck it!

I wouldn’t fuck Melania with my worst enemy’s dick, or anyone else’s!

Blue Newt

(To be read in the spirit of bipartisan Cooperation and conciliation suggested By Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich, on Election Eve, Nov 8, 1994)

I. When Newt learned that he had Killed his father and married his mother. He plucked out all our eyes and cut out all our tongues, for there wasn’t anything we needed to see or say.

And Newt smiled at his deeds and kissed himself and crushed the life out of The poor, the doomed, the sad, the un-prayerful oh yes, all of us who didn’t look at his cruelty his rage and viciousness and call his name – pray to his name! And wish him more, more for him, everything, all of it.

II. When Newt saw his father The ghost of his shunned father Joseph McCarthy Standing before him Whispering that he wandered The earth As a foul and disgusting thing And that only baby Blue Newt Could save him from his fate, Newt knew No bounds To the opportunity then. “Build upon their hate, my son,” Mumbled old Joe And Newt nodded verily Hate, murder most cold Yes Newt would drink hot blood You bet your ass he would Slice the jugulars Of those weak and poor, Afraid and lost, Doomed “Fuck the doomed,” screamed Newt “Fuck the doomed.” And in his rage, Newt would grab power, His penis studded with 7 times 70 piercing crucifix Proving how much holier our Newt must be Than you and thou and me and Anybody, everybody But himself, And he grabbed that power Like a baby by its ankles And beat us. His wife in her hospital bed, The weak, the hopeless, The lost Newt beat us Until blood splattered All over the world And everybody who didn’t feel How he felt Lay dead from that beating Or from that poison-tipped Sword, which The mighty, much penis-pierced, Blue Newt held on high Coated in blood Or from the goblet Of poisoned wine Served by Newt The Destroyer, Blue Newt The Cruel, Newt the All Powerful. And the ghost of old Joe The father, smiled And said, “Yes my son, Let them all die For your sins.”

III. In his heart Newt carried The photographs Of lynched blacks Of Mussolini, arms folded Across his chest Nodding in arrogant, Perfect satisfaction at bullying power, Raw, rapacious and evil; Of Hitler, his godfather In the big lie Petting a German Shepard, Bayoneting a baby Jew, Eating only vegetables (and virgins); Newt saluted Rush Limbaugh, smiling As he popped a bullet Into the head of a skinny, Handcuffed, Insufficiently grateful Welfare child, Wearing a sign around his Thin, food stamp-fed neck, “Not Like us.” Newt vacationed in Dante’s inferno Splattered with the souls Of enemies, Enemies everywhere, People who do not look Like Newt, Do not think like Newt Do not act like Newt And are not like Newt, And therefore MUST be final solution’d, Newt style, Before the shrine of Newt.

IV. Ah Newt, if only we’d known How good it felt to Be like you So Republican So right So good And so much better than ‘them’. If only we’d known how good it felt To lie, destroy, To twist the knife in the gut Of our enemy and rip Their bowels And eat their livers And laugh at how superior, Yes, SUPERIOR we were, we ARE Knowing that we have What we have; The silver spoon, The country club, A buncha big cars Gas barbeques, everything In the world We could possibly desire, Oh Newt, Because Our God, the one who Looks like us, Thinks like us Acts like us, And feels and behaves Just like us (Well, actually like you Oh Newt) If only we’d known, oh Newt That god wants us To have it all and wants our enemies Anyone who doesn’t Look like us And think like us, And pray like us, act like us, Our god, like you Oh Blue Newt, Gives us everything, Makes us rich and Powerful in your name oh Newt, Oh glorious, perfect Newt, If only we’d known Then it’d be pretty clear why Every night we hit our knees And every Sunday too And scream out, Self-flagellating So that everybody else knows We’re all right too, What we know is oh so true… “Our Newt, who art in power Holy be thy Newtness, They Newtdom come Oh Newt be done on earth As it is in Georgia. Give us this Newt Our daily Newt And forgive us our Clintifications As we forgive those who Clintify against us And lead us not into Clintification And deliver us from Clinty For thou art the Newtdom And the Newtor And the Newty forever and ever Amen!” And yes Blue Newt, oh yes, And you betcha, Newt, Every one of our children Says it every day too, Newt: You little Fuhrer you, Newt You little prince And perfect Newster You Newt, you Blue, Blue Newt You da man, WE WILL, WE WILL ROCK YOU…NEWT!!!! ROCK YOU NEWT!!! YEAHHHHHH!!!! BOOM, BOOM, BOOM. Victory tastes so good, Huh Newt, Like the dripping, seared Flesh of the enemy Hot in our mouths. We’re with you Newt Fuck the doomed Kill them and boil them And eat them all… We love ya Blue Newt And we’re with ya.

Rudy Giuliani Says Happy Birthday Trump

What’d they say? WHAT’D THEY SAY??!!

RG: “Hey there, jefe de jefe, (that does mean ‘fat boy of fat boys,’ right?) It’s me Rude-man America’s Mayor”

DJT: “Who? That lesbo gal from Houston?  or Richard Daly?”

RG: “No, it’s Rudy G, you know, yer boy!”

DJT: “Oh shit, I thought you were  still under the bus.”

RG: “Nah, we snake-bug combos can get very low on pavement.”

DJT: “Yeah, I know what you mean. We psychopaths have our tricks too.”

RG: “Just calling to wish you the best  on yer big day”

DJT: “What? I’m back in? I won the NJ state lottery? Ivanka’s available for remarriage in Florida? What? WHAT?”

RG: “Yer BIRTHDAY, boss.”

DJT: “Oh, that . . . no biggy . . . I’ve had 48 of them before . . .”

RG: “48? I thought this was yer 75th . . .”

DJT: “Fuck you bad lawyer! Crawl back under the bus. Look at my tan and my hair, golden surfer boy all the way, but with the maturity of a man in his early 40's”

RG: “Early? 48 is ‘early’”

DJT: “Yer name ends in a vowel like some kind of bald Mexican . . . like I said, back under the bus LOSER!”

RG: “Gotcha Boss, on my way . . .”

The American empire is over.

Our recent elections tore the mask off the illusion that the people who run America and the imaginary “Free world” were concerned about “leadership.”

Some people in America were living with that fantasy and illusion but they are finished now.

The true Imperialist nature of American capitalism has shown its face and intentions. Trump and his followers gave the rest of the world the finger.

And here’s how that works: people being flipped off tend to not like it and plan retaliation that is often far more odious and destructive than the initial insult they received.

For the 70 years after WW2 The United States was the only power impacted minimally enough by that conflagration to proceed afterwards unchecked by other countries and people.

(Side note: Russia/USSR lost 27M people in that war).

So we got to tell everyone we were promoting “freedom,” “liberty,” “justice” etc etc blahblahblah.

In truth, we were simply looking for new places to plant Walmart’s and McDonald’s burger joints.

“Profit over all” is built deeply into the American perception of reality, but that’s a subject for a different rant.

It’s over folks, The American Empire. Maybe you won’t see it today or even tomorrow, but you’ll see soon and undeniably.

Running the world was fun while it lasted. Now we’ll see how much fun folks have when our power comes to a much deserved and ignoble end.

Trump Republican County Commissioner Opposed COVID & Needed Hospitalization

A Catholic Cardinal on a ventilator, A Tennessee “Pastor” and a GOP politico, all: “sitting ducks”

Whether travelling by land or by sea, or just sitting at home hangin’ out with ‘da flock,’ it doesn’t matter, it just keeps getting better and better.

It’s like God called for a big cruise, as big as the Arc that Noah needed; big enough to house all 364K known species of beetle pairs and, oh yeah, BTW, pairs of every other living creature as well b/c, after all, Evil-ution is bunk and heresy — So, yeah, God called all of them together and told them in that Big Daddy, authoritative voice from above, that only God and the Tangerine Imbecile are allowed to use, that everybody needed to meet on the dock at South Hampton.

And so, their tickets punched off they went for a luxury passage on this really really BIG ship, the Titanic 2…

Bon voyage, true believers.

It just keeps getting better and better.

Extremism

A quick look back at the world of politics in 2016... And today

Barry Goldwater said “Extremism in defense of liberty is no sin.” He lost the 1964 Presidential election in one of the greatest landslides EVER — beaten by a sitting President so unpopular that three years later he couldn’t even win his own party’s nomination to run for a 2nd term. Welcome to America 2016, (and 2020) Mr. Trump.

Trump almost gone? We live in hope!