The Short Version of Our Latest Terrors
You know about this Hamas thing, right? About how all these guys in black ninja looking shit with big machetes are gonna come to your house and cut your fuckin’ head off because… well, none of us are real clear on why exactly but they’ve replaced decades of other really scary bad guys on our perpetual fear machine cycle, and they now fulfill the mission of making us tremble in perpetual terror at their horrible intentions.
Hitler, Franco, Stalin, Khrushchev, Ho chi Minh, Idi Amin, Mao Tso Tung, Castro, Momar Qaddafi, Wiley Coyote, Saddam Hussein, Muhammad Ali (until later, when we decided he was ok), some of those evil WWE guys, Al Qaeda, Mexican immigrants, Mexican Drug lords, (maybe just Mexicans generally), ISIS, CRT Teachers, and a lot more, A LOT of others before these Hamas guys showed-up, used to be the bad guys we could point to in abject terror.
But all those earlier boogeymen, scary as they seemed at that time, were nothing compared to this new crop of evildoers who are going to come to our homes, schools, churches, shopping malls, underground parking garages, movie theatres, gay nightclubs, day care centers, pet resorts and cut our fuckin’ heads off.
I’m so glad that as we approach Thanksgiving, and on into Black Friday, where you can be trampled to death by good God-fearing fellow American shopping enthusiasts, the talk around hearth and home and the good ol’ family dinner table will be focused on these Hamas guys and how scary and awful they are and how fucked we all are.
Forewarned is fore played! We’re all goners now for sure.
I’m also glad we’ll have this last big turkey dinner together before these Hamas ninja guys finish us off.
We are always so frightened of political problems in the world because we are such delicate and sensitive creatures who can't handle any conflict or disagreement. We need our leaders to tell us what to think and do, and we never question their motives or actions. We are so grateful for the media that informs us of the latest threats and dangers that we should be afraid of, and we never doubt their accuracy or bias. We are so lucky to live in a world where everything is black and white, good and evil, us and them. We don't need to worry about the complexity or diversity of human experience, because we have already made up our minds about who is right and who is wrong. We are always so frightened of political problems in the world because we love living in fear and ignorance, and we hate being challenged or enlightened.
Political solutions are hugely helpful to humans in coping with the real problems they face in life because they are so perfect and flawless. They always address the root causes of the issues, and they never create any unintended consequences or side effects. They are always based on solid evidence and rational arguments, and they never appeal to emotions or prejudices. They are always fair and inclusive, and they never favor any group or interest over another. They are always transparent and accountable, and they never hide any corruption or wrongdoing. They are always implemented efficiently and effectively, and they never encounter any resistance or opposition. Political solutions are generally useful in helping humans cope with the real problems they face in life because they solve everything for us, and we don't need to do anything ourselves.
Black and white thinking is a way of simplifying complex situations, According to some experts, people may use black and white thinking for different reasons, such as: It may have its origins in human survival, as a way of quickly deciding whether something is a threat or not. It may give them a sense of control and comfort, especially when they face uncertainty or anxiety. It may be a symptom of some mental health conditions, such as narcissism, depression, borderline personality disorder, or obsessive-compulsive disorder.
However, black and white thinking can also have negative consequences, such as: It can harm your relationships, by making you judge others harshly or miss opportunities to compromise. It can limit your learning, by making you think you are either good or bad at something, without recognizing your progress or potential. successes. Therefore, some people would argue that it is important to challenge black and white thinking and try to develop a more balanced and flexible outlook.
Some ways to do that are: Recognize the words that indicate black and white thinking, such as always, never, impossible, disaster, etc. and replace them with more moderate words, such as sometimes, often, difficult, challenge, etc. Look for the evidence that supports or contradicts your extreme thoughts, and try to find alternative explanations or perspectives.
Black and white thinking can be useful when you need to make quick and clear decisions, or when you want to express your opinions strongly. Whether you are right or wrong needn’t play any role in your expressed thoughts, just look at Donald Trump.
However, painful as it may be to face this fact, shades of gray thinking can be helpful when you need to consider multiple factors and perspectives, or when you want to show empathy and understanding.
But never mind all that shit.
Black and white thinking can lead to oversimplification, distortion, or polarization of reality. And generally to being fuckin’ wrong.
Shades of gray thinking can lead to confusion, ambiguity, or indecision of reality. But also to being right.
The best way to think is to be flexible and adaptable, and to use the appropriate type of thinking for the appropriate situation.
So back to those Hamas guys, or whoever the fuck you’re scared of today and this holiday season: listen up my fellow citizens, I'm here to tell you why you should always be afraid of people who have different political views from you. Trust me, it's good for you.
First of all, being afraid of unlike political ideologies keeps you alert and vigilant. You never know when they might try to attack you, brainwash you, or take away your rights. You have to be ready to defend yourself and your beliefs at all times. This way, you won't get bored or complacent in your life.
Secondly, being afraid of unlike political ideologies makes you loyal and patriotic. You will always support your own leaders and parties, no matter what they do or say. You will never question their policies or actions, because they are always right and they always have your best interests at heart. You will always oppose and criticize the other side, because they are always wrong and they always want to harm you. This way, you won't get confused or conflicted in your choices.
Thirdly, being afraid of unlike political ideologies gives you a sense of identity and belonging. You will always know who you are and where you stand in the world. You will always have a group of people who share your views and values, and who will support and validate you. You will always have a common enemy to hate and blame for everything that goes wrong in your life. This way, you won't get lonely or depressed in your existence.
As you can see, being afraid of unlike political ideologies is the best thing that ever happened to humanity. It makes us smarter, stronger, and happier. It brings us peace and harmony. It solves all our problems and challenges. It is the only way to live and thrive in this world.
So don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Don't listen to those who try to persuade you to be open-minded, tolerant, or respectful of others who think differently from you. They are just trying to trick you into joining their evil agenda. They are just trying to make you weak and miserable.
And just on the off chance that your holiday won’t be ruined by the terrors of our age and by Hamas guys cutting off your head, fear not, there’re lots of other ways it can go off the rails:
A family holiday celebration can be both heaven and hell, here are some examples of how the same event can be seen in different ways:
- The long drive to your relatives' house can be heaven, because you get to enjoy the scenery and listen to your favorite music. Or it can be hell, because you get stuck in traffic and listen to your kids fight in the back seat.
- The festive meal can be heaven, because you get to savor the delicious food and drink that your aunt prepared. Or it can be hell, because you get to suffer the indigestion and hangover that your aunt caused.
- The gift exchange can be heaven, because you get to receive the thoughtful and generous presents that your cousin bought. Or it can be hell, because you get to give the cheap and tacky gifts that your cousin re-gifted.
- The family photo can be heaven, because you get to capture the happy and beautiful moments that your uncle snapped (not the shotgun racking kind of snapped, the picture taking one). Or it can be hell, because you get to see the awkward and ugly poses that your uncle posted (Or because the uncle is racking his shotgun).
- The board game night can be heaven, because you get to have fun and bond with your siblings over your favorite game. Or it can be hell, because you get to lose and argue with your siblings over their cheating game.
As you can see, a family holiday celebration can be both heaven and hell, depending on how you look at it. The choice is yours.
But stay afraid, my friends. Stay VERY afraid.
