The debate of whether it's better to be a zombie or a Christian is one that engages philosophers and horror enthusiasts alike. So, let's shuffle our way through this brain-munching thought experiment to learn the truth.
Zombies have a pretty straightforward lifestyle
Their to-do list is remarkably short: wake up, hunt for brains, avoid head trauma, repeat. It's a minimalist approach to existence that would make even the most hardcore life simplification guru green with envy (or is that just the zombie pallor?). Christians, on the other hand, have a lot on their plates—metaphorically speaking. They're constantly busy pushing agendas, attending rallies, and trying to convert the unconverted. It's exhausting just thinking about it! Zombies definitely win this area of lifestyle because nothing brings peace of mind like enjoying flesh, brains, and minding your own business.
Zombies are the ultimate social creatures
They're always seen in groups, wandering around with their undead buddies. There's no drama, no backstabbing (unless you count the occasional literal backstabbing to prevent zombification), and everyone shares the same goal. Christians, however, can be a bit more divisive. They tend to argue—a lot. They are opinionated. Let's face it, a zombie horde is way more inclusive than most Christian groups. When was the last time you saw a group a zombies turn away a minority or try deport someone?
Let's not forget fashion
Zombies aren't known for their sartorial choices, but they do rock the distressed look like no one else. Ripped clothes? Check. Unconventional hairdos? Double-check. Christians might have more variety in their wardrobe, but the pressure to always "dress to impress" within their group can be overwhelming. You never hear about zombies suffering the negative impacts of purity culture or eating disorders.
When it comes to diet...
Zombies are on the trendy paleo diet by default—very high protein, very low carb. Christians might have more diverse culinary options, but they also seemed to enjoy the taste of flesh and blood, at least Jesus'. When it comes to diet Christians might have the best of both worlds but take note: there are no obese zombies.
Being a zombie might seem like a no-brainer
It's all about perspective. Do you want to be the undead shuffling around town looking for a meal or a passionate Christian shuffling from door to door pissing people off with your self-righteousness? Maybe you enjoy burning crosses with you MAGA buddies and exercising your freedom of speech by screaming the N-word. Maybe you need to have guns to feel safe from all the loony conspiracy theories you believe. Or maybe you just enjoy living in contradiction as a Christian, pretending you are a loving person while voting against other people's welfare and rights. While it might seem like a no brainer, the choice between Christian and zombie is a complex decision requiring deep examination. Providing you with the most objective information is what we intend to do in the following articles.
